Beginner's Guide to Essential Bengali

Bengali is a beautiful language. I know every language is beautiful and all, but Bengali has a special charm. It’s really cute… especially when spoken by the womenfolks there. Try getting on an elevator with two Bengali women talking to each other or sitting behind them on a bus, you will know what I mean.  I was never so aroused by any Hindi/English/Malayalam women talking to each other, ever.

You are an alien in a city if you don’t know the language. So, I did try to learn some bit of it, but since you can really get around the city with Hindi. I never felt the need to actually take the pains to learn the language. I am not here to teach you the language.

I am, however through this post going to tell you about some basic Bengali usages that may come useful to decipher the language, if you happen to stuck in this part of the country. It worked for me. For this, one must drop the pre-conceived notion that Bengali is Hindi spoken with Rasgulla in your mouth.

Anyways, here’s some point which anyone may find useful. [Please Note: some of the tips only works if you have some prior knowledge of Hindi]

• There’s no ‘va’, there’s only ‘ba’ in this part of the country. So there is no wedding but bedding, No living, but libing. No wheel but bheel etc etc.[I think everyone is indeed familiar with this point, so moving on]. 
• You eat everything. You eat water (Jol khabe), you eat soft drinks (Sprite Khabe), you eat alcohol (Beer khabe). Even, one time I met this guy who took out a packet of cigarettes from his pockets and asked me ‘Cigarette khabo?’ and I had to reply ‘No, sorry. I don’t eat cigarettes’.
• Screw up your Hindi grammar basics. Forget that in class V, Pankaj Sharma mam had taught you that its ‘Bus aati hai’ not ‘aata hai’. Everything is pul-ling. ‘Bus aata hai’, ‘Who ladki udhar khada hai’. Its fun actually, it's so much easier speaking this way.
• Add ‘toh’ to every possible questions. ‘Jayega toh?’, ‘Picture dekhega toh?’, ‘Pani chahiye toh?’. And so on. Ahh! now you become half Bengali, you will observe people already starting to treat you with a certain amount of trust.
• Its not Ek, its Aek. Its not Haan, its Haen. ‘Ae’ as in aero plane. Listen to ‘Ekhla chalo re’ song from Kahani, you will observe its 'Aekhla'. See, Amitaabh Bachan had mastered this point. Also when you say 'Haen', you might wanna say it with a nasal twang to create the right impression.
• Master the use of ‘Ta’.

‘Ko ta?’ asked the shopkeeper. ‘Cchho ta’ I said, promptly. There I blended right in. ‘ko ta’ may be how many or how much. You reply with a whole number associated with ‘ta’. For ex: ‘dui ta’, ‘aek ta’ etc.

Once you master this you might be able to win the shopkeeper’s trust and hence start an account there.

• You always shout saying ‘Oi’. Its much more crude compared to Oye. From fat aunties with fatter bindis trying to stop a taxi to twenty year olds on a bus shouting out to the driver to stop, everyone uses that word. I have observed that people don’t respond to ‘Oye’ but an ‘Oi’ makes them all stop and turn around.

You are good to go. After you spend some time here and learn to differentiate between Aashchi and Jaashchi, and understand various usages of 'aache', you could make out certain sentences slowly, but that takes time. For now, that is all from my part.

Having said that I must say that above tips might help you blend in with the locals, but won’t necessarily help you get laid with any hot Bengali woman. It never worked for me.