Adrift

‘tat tvam asi:’

- you are what you seek

He wasn’t outwardly plain. Though, it appears so from outside, his mental processes were far from simple. He had an insincere character. He was the awkward child. As a kid he was nasty and had a wicked demeanor. He wasn’t the hated one, but they all could do away with him.

He likes to think he is clever and have a good understanding of the world. You know, since he reads a lot and watches a lot of world cinema, the kind of cinema very different from the ones enjoyed by his peers. He loathes populist films, he believes they are substandard and unintelligible. He adores Padmarajan, Satyajit Ray and Guru Dutt. Hence, of course, he is smarter than the people he is surrounded with. But his situation of always being at the center of conflict and a certain lack of professional success suggests otherwise, though. He couldn’t even garner hundred followers on twitter. Ah! His phoniness is a reason that he is constant subject of mockery among his pals.

He understands politics, he enjoys following it. His thinking about the latest developments in society is befuddled by conspiracy theories. He can explain all of it and is afraid by his own visions of a dystopian future. He fears the new world order, he fears the pra:layam. Poor sod, is awaiting an implosion. LoL.

Like a kid who just found out that he is not special but just another brick in the wall, just another all singing, all dancing crap of the world… he lies in his room, staring at the ceiling, frustrated. He is stuck in a limbo and too arrogant to believe that its his own laidback nature responsible for his misery. But, how can it be, it’s definitely a universal conspiracy against him. He is certainly smart. He has read Oliver Wilde and Franz Kafka, you know. Ha! Say that to his ridiculously small paycheck. His constant failure to understand the basic concepts of his job keeps him from excelling. He has performed less than he had promised. If he’d been smart, he would have certainly leveraged that into his paycheck

He is that guy who wants to do highdive into the pool and believes he can. He pictures himself somersaulting, making a splendid splash and gathering all the accolades for that fabulous dive. He follows this dream with all his heart. He walks upto the springboard with brimming confidence and right at the last moment, looks back, raises his hands in air and say ‘I can’t’ and walk away. He is not smart; he is mediocre, at best.

He is Bruce Wayne stuck in the pit losing all hopes of getting out. If only he had someone to encourage him to make the jump without the rope. He is Mal Cobb, absolutely sure that the dream is real and real world is the dream. He is Teddy Daniels trying to find the patient number 67, unaware that he himself is the patient. He is Yossarian trying to keep his sanity and escape from the island of Pianosa, but it’s his inability to get around the catch-22 that keeps him from getting out. He is Holden Cauldfield, wanting nothing to do with society and just be the catcher in the rye. Little does he realize that he is the one who he hates.

He just wants things to be simple. He wants to be like the very much in control, Bruce Banner with a terrifying alter ego, which he could slip into at will destroying anything that angers him. He wants to be like Mangalassery Neelakanthan, lying in his laidback chair in his ancestral house and indulging in some kathakali padam with nadan kallu for company. He wants to be Keyser Soze, convincing the world that he doesn’t exist and just like that be gone… Poof!